Hello, my friends!
Today I want to talk about something VERY serious: consent.
As a boudoir photographer, and as a woman familiar with social media and dating apps, I’m sure you can guess that I have a LOT to say on this subject. But, because this is a blog and I really, really want to emphasize these next few points, I’m going to keep it pretty brief.
Some people seem to think consent is super complicated. News flash: it’s not. And some people make honest mistakes, but if you make any of these mistakes, it’s time to learn from the past!
So, without further adieu…
DON’T Send Unsolicited Nudes. Period.
I cannot say this enough.
Send any kind of nude photo without express permission FIRST. And this goes for repeat photos; if you’re dating someone and they didn’t ask for the picture, DO NOT SEND IT without asking them first!
I promise, if they want the photo (and are in an appropriate place to receive it), they will still be pleasantly surprised when you ask “hey, do you want a sexy pic?”
And sending these pics to people on social or dating apps? Unacceptable. Period.
Yes, I am a boudoir photographer.
NO, I do not want a nude picture of you.
It’s that simple.
People. Come ON. It’s 2021, and we still have to talk about boundaries?
If someone has expressed discomfort, do NOT push them. Don’t tease them. Don’t force them. Don’t guilt-trip or emotionally manipulate them in any way.
When someone says “no” to something, or sends unspoken signals that something isn’t okay…if the response to whatever it is is not an enthusiastic “HELL YES”…then don’t do it.
One “Yes” Is NOT An Open Invitation.
Full stop. Read it again.
Just because a person agrees to something once, does not mean they owe you anything, are obligated in any way to do the thing again, or can’t change their mind and decide it’s not something they want to do.
It’s easy to get caught in the moment. But this goes back to the boundaries thing; some people have boundaries they don’t even know about, and when they say no, it’s time to listen.
When In Doubt, Don’t Do It.
If you’re not sure about something, or if you have to ask yourself the question “is this appropriate” (or if that question applies at all): just don’t do it.
It’s so much better to prioritize whatever relationship you may have with that person rather than to break their trust or cause them discomfort.
Have Questions? ASK!
Not sure if the person would be receptive to your attention?
Here’s a novel idea…ASK THEM.
Don’t just drop a line in their DMs, comments, or texts. Don’t just hit on them on the street or in a bar and expect them to be flattered and grateful.
Not sure if your partner likes something you do or would be open to trying something different?
Goodness people…it’s really not that hard. Just communicate!
So, to refresh: NO, I don’t want that DM. NO, you shouldn’t send it to that person, either. And NO, I’m not kidding or a prude or censoring you. I’m just sick of having this conversation.